David, this is emotionally so well done. The cost of the tattoo, the questions you have us face, all of it. I’m the kind of reader who tends to absorb the emotions of a piece rather than just observe them, and Antonio talking about his grandfather, especially him not remembering the game and only wanting popcorn because he liked the salt.. God that really got to me. The most interesting thing to me is the moral problem you created. Antonio understands the price and chooses it, but Cassius is still the person who facilitates the exchange, carries the damage, and decides what happens to what he takes. That gives you a lot to work with beyond the magic itself. And now I need to go stare at something stupid for ten minutes because apparently I have absorbed everybody’s feelings. 😂
Thank you Vesper. I love the story within the story about Antonio's grandfather as well. And the morality questions are only just beginning for Cassius.
Give me a minute……the tone, the pace, the build all hooking me into every word and leaving me wanting more of the story. This is what I want to experience every time I open up a new book.
You are more than welcome. I’m a voracious reader and I hope by now that I can quickly recognize what I consider a talented writer. You keep on with your bad self.
Made me think how we all trade our lives with ‘God’. The extra wine, fatty, sugar-ladened, processed meals, puff of a cigar/cigarette, the sedentary binge-watching we all indulge in knowing full well it’s unhealthy. All of these will likely shave a few moments off our lives if we indulge too often. Not quite as dramatic a trade as Antonio made but a trade nonetheless.
This has been on my saved list for a while and it didn’t disappoint. A very intriguing start to this series… the grounded supernatural vibe is my jam and I’m looking forward to catching up on the rest. One question (if it’s answered in upcoming chapters let me know): Cassius starts creating the tattoo before Tonio has convinced him he’s ready to pay the price. What happens if he fails to convince him? Is there a reason he begins the process so soon?
That’s more than one question but I’m too lazy edit…
This is amazing!! What a cool set of magics. And I can't get over all the knowledge packed in here - French creole, Spanish, tattooing, baseball. When the tattooist end up with the shriveled hand?? UGH!! MY HEART!
Wow. This has been on my list for a few days and finally had the time to sit with it. This is great. I immediately got a sense if who this person was, why what was happening mattered, and the cost. This is really, really good.
Hey David! Absolutely loved this piece. It's so emotionally charged that it paralyzes me and forces me to reflect on what I just read. The best part is the dialogue--it's natural, progresses the story, and deepens the characters, especially Antonio.
Here is my favorite quote: “But they won’t have to watch me shrivel up and become useless like my hand. Like el viejo. I want to be remembered for having lived. Not for having died.”
This tells me Antonio's why. He would do anything for another chance to play ball and to show his family that he's alive and truly living, even if he literally sacrifices a portion of his life essence.
My favorite scene is the ending, when Antonio is so energized and grateful for the miracle. He feels pain, the sacrifice, then the gift of the sacrifice.
I don't really have any constructive criticism. I'm not sure what to critique lol. And it's amazing that you wrote this only over 1000 words. I struggle writing short stories, so I'll definitely keep reading your work to learn! Great job!
Thank you Armanda! I'm glad the story connected for you. I have a particular writing style where I try to condense my work by ignoring scene and settings that aren't essential to the core of the story. Some people don't like this (Brian Jaques fans presumably), but I love how this style lets me pack the maximum amount of plot progression into the minimum word count.
A lot of feelings can't possibly be named. It makes me reflect on my own life. How we let things slip by us and are in a hurry to get nowhere, but then we want just those last few minutes to years left for what? To dwell on the things we can't change? To dwell on what we should have done. To wish for those last 5 years we might not get because who knows what tomorrow will give us. This hit emotionally in a way I was not expecting it to. I am 41 years old. I spent a good early portion of that listening to everyone else say that my dreams were lazy or stupid, and now at 41 I'm finally following them. I'm scared it's too late because tomorrow I might be gone.
This is a great piece and I really enjoyed reading it. I love how the price is life itself and how the cost is measured in nieces and nephews and events of their live Antonio is about to miss. I also love the motivation behind the Antonio's choice. This is very similar to what I was writing about in The Walk. Thanks!
Thank you so much Kostia. I'll check out The Walk. And I really like that you made the connection that the price isn't his life, but in his impact on the lives of others.
David, this is emotionally so well done. The cost of the tattoo, the questions you have us face, all of it. I’m the kind of reader who tends to absorb the emotions of a piece rather than just observe them, and Antonio talking about his grandfather, especially him not remembering the game and only wanting popcorn because he liked the salt.. God that really got to me. The most interesting thing to me is the moral problem you created. Antonio understands the price and chooses it, but Cassius is still the person who facilitates the exchange, carries the damage, and decides what happens to what he takes. That gives you a lot to work with beyond the magic itself. And now I need to go stare at something stupid for ten minutes because apparently I have absorbed everybody’s feelings. 😂
Thank you Vesper. I love the story within the story about Antonio's grandfather as well. And the morality questions are only just beginning for Cassius.
Classic empath. I relate to this so much.
Give me a minute……the tone, the pace, the build all hooking me into every word and leaving me wanting more of the story. This is what I want to experience every time I open up a new book.
Thank you so much Lea! That's such a wonderful thing to say about an author's work. You've made my day! :)
You are more than welcome. I’m a voracious reader and I hope by now that I can quickly recognize what I consider a talented writer. You keep on with your bad self.
Bad self keeping on.
Drop it like it’s hot
I’m such a newbie. If you’re ever bored, wander over to my corner of the stack
I’m with you on this one too.
Thank you.
I was thinking the same thing!
I very much enjoyed this story. Your protagonist is actually far more "clean" than he gives himself credit for being.
All of life is transactional--for a reason.
What you've got versus what you need weighted against the same haves/needs for others.
I love a fair trade. The win-win, if you will.
Ink has a code - its the only way he can cope with his power. But soon, events will occur that will test that code...
Oh, I am here for this! Bravo, David! I’m completely drawn in.
Incredible. Fast paced, vivid, magical and dark. So rich in detailing and the development of the characters. This is just amazing.
Thank you so much Jean. You’ve made my day.
Made me think how we all trade our lives with ‘God’. The extra wine, fatty, sugar-ladened, processed meals, puff of a cigar/cigarette, the sedentary binge-watching we all indulge in knowing full well it’s unhealthy. All of these will likely shave a few moments off our lives if we indulge too often. Not quite as dramatic a trade as Antonio made but a trade nonetheless.
I love it when writing makes me think. Thanks.
This has been on my saved list for a while and it didn’t disappoint. A very intriguing start to this series… the grounded supernatural vibe is my jam and I’m looking forward to catching up on the rest. One question (if it’s answered in upcoming chapters let me know): Cassius starts creating the tattoo before Tonio has convinced him he’s ready to pay the price. What happens if he fails to convince him? Is there a reason he begins the process so soon?
That’s more than one question but I’m too lazy edit…
Good stuff!
Great story. I loved it!
Thank you Barbara!
You’re welcome!
This had me hooked from start to finish. Really well written and a very interesting concept.
Thank you James!
I love how the fast pace is perfect for flash fiction, but it's not forced, it perfectly matches the story and characters!
Thank you L.V. :)
This is amazing!! What a cool set of magics. And I can't get over all the knowledge packed in here - French creole, Spanish, tattooing, baseball. When the tattooist end up with the shriveled hand?? UGH!! MY HEART!
Thank you Emily! :)
Wait till you see what Ink does with the heart and hand in Flash #2…
Can. Not. Wait.
Wow. This has been on my list for a few days and finally had the time to sit with it. This is great. I immediately got a sense if who this person was, why what was happening mattered, and the cost. This is really, really good.
Thank you Chris.
Hey David! Absolutely loved this piece. It's so emotionally charged that it paralyzes me and forces me to reflect on what I just read. The best part is the dialogue--it's natural, progresses the story, and deepens the characters, especially Antonio.
Here is my favorite quote: “But they won’t have to watch me shrivel up and become useless like my hand. Like el viejo. I want to be remembered for having lived. Not for having died.”
This tells me Antonio's why. He would do anything for another chance to play ball and to show his family that he's alive and truly living, even if he literally sacrifices a portion of his life essence.
My favorite scene is the ending, when Antonio is so energized and grateful for the miracle. He feels pain, the sacrifice, then the gift of the sacrifice.
I don't really have any constructive criticism. I'm not sure what to critique lol. And it's amazing that you wrote this only over 1000 words. I struggle writing short stories, so I'll definitely keep reading your work to learn! Great job!
Thank you Armanda! I'm glad the story connected for you. I have a particular writing style where I try to condense my work by ignoring scene and settings that aren't essential to the core of the story. Some people don't like this (Brian Jaques fans presumably), but I love how this style lets me pack the maximum amount of plot progression into the minimum word count.
A lot of feelings can't possibly be named. It makes me reflect on my own life. How we let things slip by us and are in a hurry to get nowhere, but then we want just those last few minutes to years left for what? To dwell on the things we can't change? To dwell on what we should have done. To wish for those last 5 years we might not get because who knows what tomorrow will give us. This hit emotionally in a way I was not expecting it to. I am 41 years old. I spent a good early portion of that listening to everyone else say that my dreams were lazy or stupid, and now at 41 I'm finally following them. I'm scared it's too late because tomorrow I might be gone.
Thank you Lutherin. Nothing makes me happier as an author than getting a positive emotional response from a reader.
of course I love work that makes you feel seen and heard. Then just to be read and not taken with you.
This is a great piece and I really enjoyed reading it. I love how the price is life itself and how the cost is measured in nieces and nephews and events of their live Antonio is about to miss. I also love the motivation behind the Antonio's choice. This is very similar to what I was writing about in The Walk. Thanks!
Thank you so much Kostia. I'll check out The Walk. And I really like that you made the connection that the price isn't his life, but in his impact on the lives of others.
Slow clap. Loved this!
Thank you Chet. Means a lot!